Today I've Lost You
by everycloudx
Summary: “You stole my heart. It’s impossible to live without a heart. It’s impossible for me to live without you.” AdamJessica. Set during 'Life Sentence'.


Lyrics are from Take That's 'Today I've Lost You'. :)

Today I've Lost You

Jessica Harrison.

"You stole my heart. It's impossible to live without a heart. It's impossible for me to live without you."

His eyes remained focussed on the brick wall through his windscreen. It seemed easy enough to increase the accelerator, end the pain that tortured him at every waking moment.

_Driving home in my car, nearly midnight,_  
_Rain on the road in my view._  
_Holes in my heart, it's the first night without you._

It wouldn't be the first car collision he had been an unfortunate part of, and if it didn't end at that particular moment he was petrified it wouldn't be the last. Instead of removing someone he considered to be undeserving of such a fate, he was certain it was finally his turn. After being targeted for years, instead of taking someone he loved, as the only one left in the car, a resemblance to his life, he had to be taken.

Taken to those he loved, those he lost. He didn't consider it to be the easy way out. Instead it was the confirmation that there was nothing, no one, left fighting for. If he was out of the equation he knew no one he dared to love could be physically hurt any longer. A subtle curse, a jinx, to anyone he came into contact with caused him to believe the world was better off without him.

He truly believed she was different; the carefree woman he had introduced himself to on a casual night out who caused him to change his entire perception on life. She allowed him to accept that love was fighting its way inside his heart, and all he had to do was open the door and let it in. There wasn't any time for regret while he was experiencing the feeling of ecstasy every time he observed her walking by, innocently smiling, oblivious to how much she had affected him.

_I can't help but think of our last conversation,_  
_I close my eyes, I can still see your face._

Their relationship development diverted his attention in the opposite direction of his previous panic of becoming dangerously close to anyone, believing the dreaded curse that had plagued his entire life had been removed. The scars from his past would never heal, however he was able to focus on the sections of his heart that remained intact. His heart was the property of the stranger from the bar, the caring colleague, the mother of his child. However many times she had attempted to destroy the vital organ, he never gave up on her.

Believing that perfection was a feeling he deserved to experience, amongst various other emotions, he felt naïve the moment his world crashed around him. The excruciating curse, noticing his happiness, didn't waste any time before striking again. One final strike to ensure he had no choice but to admit defeat.

Apologies weren't enough to express his true sorrow. It was a word, futile, unable to change what had already happened. It refused to repair the damage to his stolen heart; cause the scars to fade. There remained no escape from his permanent heartbreak. He no longer contained the energy it took to continue with his years of exhausting facades, allowing everyone paying attention to observe the dramatic changes in the usually lively doctor.

In the comforts of his office he expected her to be at the door with a coffee and a smile that lit up the entire room. The intention to start the constantly escalating pile of paperwork would be promptly forced to the back of his mind the exact second she seated herself at the edge of the desk.

She had always referred to his office as their second home, however they were both certain it wasn't worth the comparison to the two storey detached property they escaped to each night. Not only did it contain the bed they could lie in forever, but also the family he didn't realise he wanted until she offered it to him. She gave him the world. All he wanted was the chance to return it as he was adamant she deserved.

_Looking for signs, asking strangers directions,_  
_When the answer's right in front of me._

As far as he was concerned he deserved to be punished.

His parents. His brother. His son.

It was too late to save them.

It was too late to save him.


End file.
